Comments on: Apple sauce

By: Ijeoma

Ijeoma — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:41:17 +0000

I was really touched by this post and really wanted to thank you for it. I am a firm believer that the American dream should not be witheld from any of our population based on who they love. I’m lucky enough to live in Seattle where we just passed a similar resolution to the one that Maine voted down, but I am so sad that there is so much discrimination thruout our country. As a minority, I thoroughly understand the effects of discrimination and detest it in any form.

Thanks for speaking out on this!!

By: Lien

Lien — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:41:04 +0000

Either the US has changed a whole lot in the five years I’ve been away, or I lived in some sort of warped bit. I never felt any pressure towards marriage, and, in fact, never expected to marry. Two of my siblings are living with their (heterosexual) partners, and I know my sister, at least, has no plans to marry her partner of many years. The few close friends of mine who have married have done so for the most prosaic of reasons- health care, tax relief…

I like to think that the blue state/red state dichotomy is exaggerated and fabricated to be divisive, but then something like this makes me think maybe it’s not…I’m from San Francisco.

By: BunnyQueen

BunnyQueen — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:15:35 +0000

As part of a couple that got married in California before they repealed the gay marriage laws, I too am saddened and frustrated by the election’s results. There was an editorial in our local paper yesterday explaining that, of course my being married to my wife doesn’t really damage any *current* marriages, but it has the potential to damage/belittle future marriages and so should be illegal. Based on that, shouldn’t Las Vegas’ 24-hour drive through marriage businesses be illegal? As far as I’m concerned, let “marriage” be the purview of the churches and make everyone, gay or straight, get a “civil partnership” or some other name in order to be legally responsible for each other.

I really fail to see why it is that I can legally marry a man, and if he gets sick and dies in the days following the wedding I would be the default inheritor with little or no taxes and I would have the ability to decide what treatment he did or did not get, but I cannot legally make the same choices for a woman I have been with for 11 years. If we had not paid to get medical powers-of-attorney written, her family (who hasn’t spoken to her in at least 5 years) would get to make all those decisions and would inherit (except for the fact that she has a will). As it is, the surviving (not legally married) partner could be taxed a huge percentage on any life insurance money and even on their home, depending on how it is owned.

If you don’t think gay marriage should be legal, or are uncertain what all the fuss is about, I recommend you read “Why You Should Give a Damn About Gay Marriage” which discusses the legal aspects of the issue, for the most part completely separate from the religious issue.

By: duni

duni — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:28:16 +0000

thanks for the post, ysolda. marriage becomes very important to some (me) when told that you cannot have it. i hope we can all get to the point when people can live their lives openly and without fear or hatred or even the dreaded “disapproval” from so-called “friends”. please people- the way i live my life does not influence your life at all. consider returning the favor.

By: Shannon B

Shannon B — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:55:25 +0000

Oh dear, what a maelstrom!

For some reason my feed hasn’t been updating so I didn’t realise you’d posted in ages…

The US has always struck me as a little Puritanical – rule-abiding. Claiming one’s rules come from God is meant to give them finality – indisputability.

I think a lot of devout Americans fear that a separation of church and state will mean an admission of the irrelevance of religion. If you follow me. I mean, logically, if their religion is correct, then no separation is possible and the state SHOULD be a theocracy.

I suspect the hatred and intolerance grieves the heart of God, rather than pleasing him.

By: erica

erica — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:36:40 +0000

it is always nice to hear your opinion coming from another-it’s part of humans being social people. It is however unfortunate that this can result in some points being drowned out by a crowd of affirmation. I really believe the discussion emphasis needs to highlight personal freedoms and rights. It is tragic that people in a long term relationships might not have the right to visit each other in hospital- or even be able to talk to the doctors, that an estranged or distant family members might have the only say in their care or decisions about life support. Really none of the legal rights of partnership need to be linked to a sexual relationship or any of the personal opinions of religion, ‘right’/'wrong’/'who cares they can do their thing and I’ll do mine’ – what happens if all your family is dead? You should still have the right to choose who you trust with your own wellbeing. I from NZ and I don’t think our laws are ideal yet.And they will likely never be- some find 3 years creeps up pretty quickly. There is as much variety in relationships as there are relationships.
So I would hope people of all religions and attitudes to marriage would be able to see that, independant from ’sin’, sex, and relationships of all kinds, people die. Lives change and marriage laws and the rights of all individuals eventually become personal. I spent two really happy years of my childhood in the US. I really sorry that opinions expressed above and in other posts may have hurt some people’s feelings. It does seem true that Americans as a society value marriage more than here and so that makes it hard for people who want to get married for social reasons. But really the most pressing issue is people having the right to exchange legal rights and to have some say over their own body by being able to nominate who they want to be their ‘next of kin’ and for that (as an outsider) the PACS in France seems pretty neat

By: Bethany Heide

Bethany Heide — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:11:06 +0000

Yes, Americans value marriage. Allison (Nov. 5th, 2009; 8:03pm) gave a good explanation on why this is so. The negative judgement directed at Americans in this post made me a little sad.

By: Bethany Heide

Bethany Heide — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:08:14 +0000

Yes, Americans value marriage. Allison (Nov. 5th, 2009; 8:03pm) gave a good explanation on why this is so. The anger directed at Americans in this post made me a little sad.

By: Hanneke

Hanneke — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:17:28 +0000

i never commented in a journal of someone i don’t know in real live before but your post just said al the things i felt today. I’m dutch and i was extrordinairy proud of our country for being so openminded, gay marriage, abortion, ethaunasia laws etc. But lately thing seem to change for the worse …more violance in the streets against same sex couple etc. It makes me sad. I had so high hopes for my country and the rest of the world. I just hope that as always with great change some people struggle out of fear to keep things the same. And that in the end progress will winn.
Anyway not a cheerful reply but i hope the apple sauce cheered you up. I’m going to make some hot chocolate that helps a bit too

By: Kat

Kat — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:41:53 +0000

Thank you for posting this, Ysolda. It’s nice to see that someone who writes such nice patterns also has a humane and empathetic attitude towards other.