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The Adventures of Elijah – a story and a contest

November 08, 2007


Elijah was sitting, minding his own business, when a mysterious light suddenly surrounded him. His position in its centre prevented him from noticing but the shape of the light seemed to suggest that they were looking just for him.


Somehow he found himself on what appeared to be a rather metallic but pretty alien planet.

Unfortunately, as soon as he began to relax and enjoy the twinkling lights, he was sucked into a giant pipe. He was wooshed through the darkness for a terrifyingly long time, but eventually he was spat out.

With a mixture of apprehension and relief he looked around himself, at some kind of alien workshop.

At that moment one of the aliens snatched him up and began experimenting on him.

The alien poked at him,

hung him from chains,


and squashed him in a vice below a blade that looked very, very sharp to Elijah. Luckily though the alien seemed to be testing how easy he was to scare, rather than whether he could be sawed in half.


This ‘fear’ testing, for that was all Elijah could think it could be, continued.


He was squashed between rollers until he screamed,


and spun on a wheel until he felt dizzy.

But he longed to be back on the wheel when it finally spun so fast that he flew through the air and was caught by some rather playful dead aliens.


The masked but living alien seemed satisfied with the experiments, although their purpose remained obscure to Elijah, and convinced the dead aliens to give up their new found plaything.

Elijah suddenly found himself dumped back on earth, peering up at the green glow of the spaceship as it rapidly receded.

Unsure of his exact location and rather shaken, he tried to call for help, but nobody answered the phone.
So he had to rely on his own resources,


he rode a motorbike


and a helpful but not very chatty alpaca,


a broomstick


and eventually arrived at the pub. Where he tried to relax with a nice, quiet Guinness


and avoid any reminders of his terrifying ordeal.

I know some of you are just as silly as I am and to reassure myself that this is indeed the case I’m having a contest. Now that the Elijah pattern is up I’m looking forward to seeing them appear all over the world, and I want to see what adventures all of these fresh new Elijah’s have. All that you have to do is make your own Elijah (breaking into my flat and stealing mine will automatically disqualify you), take a photo or photos* of him having an adventure and upload it to the Adventures of Elijah flickr group. You’re welcome to include the story of his adventures, but you don’t have to. You have until midnight GMT on November the 30th to upload your entries after which I will set up a poll so that everyone can vote for their favourite Elijah adventures. The winner will get fame, glory and a proper prize – a box of goodies from me.

*You can enter as many photos as you like, but they will be counted as a single entry and must all tie together as part of a single adventure.


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